Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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