I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
