my mouth tastes like poor choices
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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