i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
