did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
