people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
