Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
