I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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