he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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