Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
