Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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