you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Randomize
