im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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