i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
