Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Randomize
