Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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