so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
