why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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