You really coming over, don't trick.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
