I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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