so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
