so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
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