I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
