I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
