After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
