I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
They took my balls.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
