just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
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