It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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