My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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