i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
