Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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