Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
