Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Randomize
