well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
