feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
