I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
