The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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