The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Randomize
