I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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