It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
