if i can run in heels then i can drive
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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