Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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