my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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