Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
