Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
What a dumb baby whore.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Randomize
