i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
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