Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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