i jhust puked up my retainher.
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
