yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
