hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
if only i could text you this smell
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
My dick has a subreddit
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Randomize
