How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
