You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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