I just pynch a tree in the face
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
