I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
