My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
