my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
my liver is dry heaving
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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