the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
