now i know why i became what i already was.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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