I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
